I love learning about new projects of people I already grew to like in other bands ❤ in this case, Sarah in kaywinnet is no stranger and when Torsten wrote to me, I liked the self-description so much that I checked out their tunes even though I am not so much into screamo today as I used to be. This was Torsten’s mail:

We’re ‘Kaywinnet’, a new band (emo / 90s / screamo) from berlin & hamburg. we play(ed) at tall as trees, torpedo holiday, moro.

we will release our first ep / 7″ at the 28th october (with the start of our tour), and we uploaded both songs on bandcamp. it will be released by ZilpZalp Records (Leipzig). it would be appreciated if you take the time to check it out and maybe write something about it.

you can find the lyrics with additional liner notes to describe our intentions, thoughts and feelings at bandcamp. please hit us up, if you need any more information or have some questions.

thank you so much. take care.

torsten ( & sarah & christian)

Kaywinnet is about music, but it is also about thinking, do-it-yourself and awareness. This band is build on friendship and trust. Together we deal with topics we care about, like feminism, mental health awareness, left-wing politics, social justice, veganism and sci-fi/fantasy-references.

This is our first release, it’s called 294km, which is the distance between our homes. The two songs, Locutus and Praefix A were both recorded by Andi Sommer at Bei Ruth in Berlin. The mastering was done by Joe Caithness of Subsequent Mastering.

// liner notes

Sometimes I’m at the point where I tend to criticize myself for being not as sporty anymore, or where I even have self-esteem issues about myself, because I compare my looks with the ones of other people or with some capitalist standards. This is deeply troubling to me, because I know how stupid this is, and that those standards shouldn’t influence me at all. It seems easier to cut other people some slack than myself, and this is quite dangerous. I try to remind myself that it doesn’t matter how I look, and most of the times I’m perfectly fine with myself. But there are those moments of doubt, reminding me about the influence and danger of beauty standards, gender roles and superficialities.

On the other hand I find it not easy to cope with the opinions of others, even though I know that I shouldn’t care. Most of the time I don’t doubt myself but I get angry, because I know very much how hurtful those opinions can be and to what they can lead, like eating disorders, mental health problems and suicide thoughts / attempts. We have to be more careful about this, even if we are in an environment where ‘everyone should know how this is meant’. Because this may be not the case, and our words and actions have a massive impact on others.

I’m not sure how we can get out of this exactly, because I sometimes struggle and try to fulfill some stupid ‘expectations’, and also project those standards on other people. In the end, I think we have to take care of this together, by acknowledging ourselves for who we are, and trying to reflect our actions and thoughts.

// lyrics

i wanna be a Cyborg. weil ich
keine Lust mehr habe, als zu groß,
zu klein, zu dünn, zu dick,
zu hässlich oder zu schön
gelabelt zu werden.
Ich habe keine Lust mehr auf
Oberflächlichkeiten und den ganzen
anderen Scheiß. Wofür ist es wichtig,
wie ich aussehe? Warum interessiert
dich das? Und warum interessiert mich
das? Wie kommen wir hier raus?
Ich will nicht einzigartig sein
müssen und doch der Norm entsprechend.
i wanna be a Cyborg.
not a boring human!

die waage lacht mich an
die zahlen brennend grell
wieder ein kilo weg
wieder ein kilo mehr

ich weiß ich bin gefangen
zwischen rollenbildern
und idealen
so will ich doch nicht sein

wie kommen wir
hier wieder raus

was du sagst hat gewicht
was du tust hat gewicht

macht kaputt
macht krank

warum massen wir uns an
zu sagen was du tragen darf
zu denken was du essen kannst
oder was gesund sein soll

und bist das du
oder alles um dich rum?
und bin das ich
oder alles um mich rum?

// liner notes

A few years ago I learned something about my mind that stunned me and explained quite a lot to me. There was this article which basically said that most people are able to visualize things in their mind, but a tiny percentage of people can’t. I’m one of those people. At first I found this quite intriguing; I even told a lot of jokes about it, as you can imagine (see?). But my joy about the discovery perished after a few days, like every moment does, at least for me.

Currently I have no other person to talk to with the same condition. No one in my ‘inner circle’ has any idea what is going on. Everything I ever experience just vanishes. I have the semantic memory and can talk about those things, but I can’t visualize any of it. The same goes for smell and sound, every sense is just blank. So everything I experience is gone forever.

There are some positive side-effects, some pros. I can’t visualize being hurt, I can’t properly remember the pain of being depressed, I can bottle up all the insults, the suicide attempts, all those moments of being completely lost.

On the other side, there is this feeling I have most of the time. Being completely lost. Isolated. Insecure. When I leave the house of someone I care about, someone who’s presence gives me joy – the moment I close the door behind me everything is the same grey again. All in all, the cons are winning. By a landslide, I imagine.

// lyrics

da ist dieser moment
wo dein herz lauter schlägt als je zuvor
da ist dieser moment
an diesem ort so atemlos schön
da ist dieser moment
wo du mir sagst ‘ich werde gehen’
da ist dieser moment
der sand zwischen den zehen der wind im gesicht
da ist dieser moment
nach dem alles anders war
da ist dieser moment
den ich nie vergessen will
da ist dieser moment
so weit weg von unglück wie nie zuvor
da ist dieser moment
so weit weg von glück wie nie zuvor

und dann ist er weg
out of sight – out of mind
the absence of phantasia
the absence of phantasia

ich dachte immer
‘schafe zählen’
sei bloß ein spruch
wer kann den ahnen
dass ihr sie wirklich seht

die strände
die menschen
die bilder

und jetzt sagst du
du kannst sehen was du willst
du kannst sehen wen du willst

und bei mir ist alles schwarz
und in mir scheint alles leer

x “wenn ich dich bitte, dir einen strand vorzustellen, was passiert in deinem kopf?”
y “einen strand vorzustellen?”
x “ja, wie sieht er aus für dich?”
y “ehm, da sind wellen, sand, strandkörbe, ein entspannendes bild.”
x “aber ist es ein richtiges bild? kannst du es sehen?”
y “ja, ich kann das sehen.”
x “siehst du es in farbe?”
y “natuerlich”
x “wie oft siehst du bilder am tag?”
y “die ganze zeit, tausende?”

euer in erinnerung schwelgen
ich hab es nie verstanden
ich weiß jetzt warum
dass aragon so anders erscheint
ich hab es nie verstanden
ich weiß jetzt warum
dass ihr menschen vermisst
ich hab es nie verstanden
ich weiß jetzt warum

‘lebe im jetzt’, ‘sei im moment’
steht in deinem poesie-album
doch kannst du es nicht – ertragen
wenn es wirklich so ist

diese leere frisst mich auf
ich fühle mich kalt, dich zu vergessen
niemand zu vermissen, keinen moment
alles verschwindet, jeder moment

alles verschwindet, jeder moment
alles verschwindet, jeder moment

Emotional and raw, very intense and I think many will love this! Great job, folks.

Check out more:


28.10 (Sa) – HAMBURG – F115
29.10 (So) – OLDENBOURG – Alhambra
30.10 (Mo) – need help!
31.10 (Di) – AMSTERDAM
01.11 (Mi) – need help!
02.11 (Do) – FRANFURT AM MAIN – Klapperfeld
03.11 (Fr) – LEIPZIG – B12



.putting the + in lgbtqia+

.intersectional feminist

.vegan 2009

.straight edge 1998